Continuation From “It’s The Woman You Gave Me”

 Shawnda and I started out living together and for the first couple of months everything was good. But as Shawnda went to church more often, it became a problem for us because every Saturday night we would get into an argument about going to church. Shawnda wanted me to come see her pastor preach at a church called Second Tabernacle Baptist Church. Shawnda would come home and tell me how this young pastor could preach the “the paint off the walls.” She would do things like leave the Bible open on the living room table or on our night stand hoping that I would read it one day. I always wanted to know about God; it’s just that no one showed me an example of how a real Christian should live.  No one showed me that Christianity was a lifestyle, not just a religion. I remember waiting to see “Jesus Christ Superstar” on channel 43 in Cleveland when I was a kid. I always thought Jesus was cool, but he was not cool among friends and family so many times I kept the whole Jesus thing to myself. Shawnda tried hard to get me to go  to church, but the main reason I did not go was out of guilt because we had just gone out the night before. We were living together, doing things that married people did and were not married. I’m not knocking her for her efforts; it’s just that we had a soul tie and we could not break it. (To all the single women reading this book: LIVING WITH HIM AND GIVING HIM SEX WILL NOT MAKE HIM A CHRISTIAN AND HE WILL NOT COME TO CHURCH WITH THAT BEING YOUR METHOD TO TRY TO GET HIM TO CHANGE HIS MIND) After a year of living together, Shawnda would move back home then come back and live with me again because of our continued arguing about going to church. Eventually, she gave up on the relationship and moved on. At first I was happy because that allowed me to see other women. But I started to miss Shawnda because she brought so much to the table: I was a high school dropout at the time, and Shawnda believed in getting a education so she got me enrolled in a high school program without me knowing; one day I checked my mailbox and all of this paperwork about getting my diploma was in my hand with all of my information enclosed. Over the course of time I rarely saw Shawnda; we talked every once and a while. In my desperation to get her back with me I decided to go to church. In my mind I was thinking “This is my ace card right here! This will get her back to me!” I called her on a Saturday night and told her I was going to church Sunday. On the other end of the phone she told me “OK, I will see you tomorrow” with an inattentive tone of voice.

Life can only be understood backwards, but it must be lived forwards.

                                                                                                 –Anonymous

It was eight o’clock on a nice sixty degree day Sunday morning in Cleveland. (Sixty degrees at eight o’clock in Cleveland during the fall is considered nice weather). I got dressed in my “Come as you are clothes” because I did not have a suit. Since the church was about twenty minutes from my apartment, I decided to smoke me a Black and Mild cigar on my way there. During that time smoking Black and Mild cigars was to calm my nerves, especially going to church.  When I got to the Church I looked for Shawnda because I did not know anyone there. Then as I approached the big brown building I saw her standing at the double doors talking to two of her friends. We hugged each other as she introduced me to her friends and then we sat in the middle row of the sanctuary to hear the word of God delivered by the pastor. In my heart I wanted help, but my flesh wanted to use Shawnda’s request of me coming to church as a tool to get her back in my life. As the pastor preached, he was saying things that I thought you should not say in church at the time such as “Pornography is wrong. Living together and not being married is wrong.”  (If you have heard him preach you would know what I’m talking about, and this was ten years ago). But as the word went forth, it was convicting but I needed to hear those words. After service was over I thought to myself, “I have to come back here! I need that word!” Shawnda was happy for me because she knew that I really liked the service. Although my evil nature did not change, I kept going to the church to hear the word. And although Shawnda and I did not get back together I was happy with going to church.

Then that day came:  One Sunday I gave my life to Christ and I remember my long walk down to the pastor. I remember being baptized by the pastor and a good friend of mine. My life changed. I remember calling my brother and sister and telling them that I was not drinking, smoking or cursing. And I stuck to my guns by way of the Holy Spirit. I was so excited about the word that I invited my family to hear this pastor who can preach! In my heart I was so happy that my whole family would come to hear the word then BAM!  On a rainy Sunday morning on our way to parking the car the whole church is standing outside in the rain. My Brother asked, “What’s going on out here?” “Don’t know” was my response. My mother, sister, and brother and I got out of the car only to see big, silver locks and chains on the double doors. As the rain continued to come down and people were standing outside, I saw the pastor and the first lady standing with their backs to the double doors facing the people as they tried to stand strong in the face of adversity. This pastor was bringing life to the church and was making church meaningful to the younger generation and senior citizens alike. The deacons from that church did not like what was happening, so the pastor was put out. I remember being shocked by this event, let alone my family who came to hear this pastor I bragged on. . The T.V. news came and started to ask questions and later on I saw the church lockout on the six o’clock news.