When we first begin our search for someone we have never seen or haven’t seen for many years, the prospect can seem quite daunting at first.

There are so many unanswered questions such as:

Where do I start?

What if they’ve moved address?

What if they don’t have a telephone number?

What if they don’t want to see me?

The list is long and endless as we approach something quite new and simultaneously bizarre to us.

There are many different answers to the above questions and many of those answers will depend largely, or solely on your individual circumstances. There are a few basic steps you can follow to help you on your journey and I will discuss them here.

Social Networking

My first suggestion is the simplest of options, yet because it is so simple people often overlook it. Try the social networking sites such as Facebook, Myspace, Bebo etc. They usually have pictures on their profile and it is a well known fact that the six degrees of separation is likely to link the two of you through one of your friends somewhere along the line.

Do Your Homework

It is important to gather as much information as you possibly can when searching for someone. This can easily be done but often involves approaching touchy subjects with people who may not want to discuss the absent party. You would do well to get hold of the last known address, all surnames used in the past, names of as many family members as you can find and a date of birth.

It always helps to get some kind of background information together such as where they have worked, if they have a particular career such as a lawyer or mechanic etc.

Find out where their favorite place to relax was, why they moved away and most importantly any particular reason they wouldn’t want to see you because if you are armed with this knowledge prior to turning up on anyone’s doorstep you can alter your approach to avoid disappointment.

Electoral Roll

Right so you are now equipped with as much information as you can find from family and friends and hopefully you should have some sort of idea where to look.

The electoral roll is a great place to start your search and contrary to popular belief you don’t have to pay to access it. All you have to do is head over to your local library and they will be only too happy to help you.

If you’re quite happy to pay for access or can’t be bothered to go to the library then go to:

http://www.192.com

If you don’t know which area to look in all is not lost! You do have a heck of a lot of work ahead of you but you can still find someone without knowing a particular location.

The simple answer to this conundrum is to ask the librarian for the files one by one until you find several potential matches. The downside to this particular method is that unfortunately, not everyone is listed on the electoral roll and you may well sit for weeks, drinking far too many caffeinated drinks only to find that they simply aren’t listed. Talk about an anti climax?

Telephone Records

Of course we still have plenty of unexplored avenues to approach so don’t lose hope yet! You can use the online yellow pages and search city by city, town by town if you really need to. I wouldn’t advise it if you’re prone to high blood pressure but the option is there nevertheless.

Reuniting Websites

There are several popular websites that are used when searching for family tree records or a lost loved one. They carry a subscription but most let you try before you buy without full access to all of the features.

This is particularly annoying as you will find that there will be several results which potentially match who you are looking for and you can’t see the details without paying. My issue with this is that if there are three potential matches, it’s quite possible that none of them will match. Then I’ve paid for a subscription for nothing!

The other gripe I have with these sites is that they are generally aimed at people who don’t mind being found. Now say  for example you’re looking for your father who hasn’t paid child support for the last fifteen years, the likelihood of him wanting to be found is slim, regardless of whether or not he has reformed and now wants a relationship with his child.

So using a reuniting site isn’t going to work well with someone who isn’t keen on reuniting to begin with. Why would they sign up and pay for a site unless they wanted to be found?

On the plus side if you do manage to find them on there the likelihood is that they want you to find them and they’ve probably been searching for you for some time.

Some of the sites are listed here:

http://www.friendsreunited.co.uk

http://www.genesreunited.co.uk

http://www.ancestry.co.uk

http://www.peopletraceonline.co.uk

Births, Deaths and Marriages

Here is another great place to start and you can search these through 192.com as well. I know it’s tough but there is a chance that the person you’re looking for may have died. It hurts to think that this may be the case but it is better that you find out in the early stages of your search rather than tracing old or dead leads that may build up false hope.

They may have had children or have remarried which is another thing to consider depending on your relationship to the absent party. If he/she is an old flame don’t automatically assume that they will be single because the likelihood that they are is slim to none.

If the absent party is your mother/father then be cautious here because you would be forgiven for feeling a little jealous at the thought of them having other children.

Do remember though that there are three sides to every story, his, hers and the truth. What I mean by that is that what your existing parent may have told you about the whole thing may not be entirely truthful.

That doesn’t necessarily have to mean that they have lied to you because they are a bad person. It may be something as simple as they didn’t want you to blame them for the relationship breakdown. Maybe it was all their fault and they didn’t realize until it was too late.

We have to give this theoretical person a break, they have raised you since birth, wiped your snotty nose when you were sick and put plasters on your knee when you fell over. When your boyfriend/girlfriend ditched you after four hours who was there to comfort you?

Private Investigators

If you’re really flushed for cash and don’t want to bother going through all of the above options then you could pay for a private investigator.

Their prices vary drastically depending on the experience of the investigator and how long it will take them to get results.You can expect to pay at least three thousand pounds for a decent investigator who won’t take your money and run.

Talk shows

If you don’t care about showing off your dirty laundry in pulic a great place to get answers for free is the TV. You can apply for shows like Jeremy Kyle, Oprah Winfrey, Ricki Lake, Trisha Goddard and so many more it makes me quite nauseous.

They will do all of the legwork but you have to go on the show if they manage to find them. Plus, because they have to abide by the data protection act and other stupid laws surrounding media and television, they won’t give you any contact details if the person isn’t happy about going on the show.

Do also remember that there is no guarantee that they will find them. You may be required to take part in an over the air plea for information.

One last thought…

Most importantly, don’t stick to these guidelines. You have to do what makes you feel most comfortable and there will be hundreds more ways to find someone if you look hard enough. I wish you the best of luck in your search and if you do manage to find someone using my tips please let me know.