The book:     The five Love Languages

                     -How to express heartfelt commitment to your mate

The author:  Dr. Gary Chapman

I came upon this book from a friend. She lent it to me saying how good it is. I observed that our marriage did not need any counselling. Also the psychologist’s jargon is not always comprehensible.

Nevertheless I went through the book and I could not put it down till I had finished it. I found it ever so interesting and very easy to understand.

One might think that it is only for couples who face troubled marriage. It can benefit even couples who want to live better, happier lives.

This book is an international best seller, having been translated into as many as thirty six languages. Five million copies of this book sold, winning Chapman, The Platinum Book Award from The Evangelical Publishers Association.

 Dr. Gary Chapman is a pastor, relationship counsellor, powerful speaker and an author. He has been married to Karolyn for over thirty five years.  He is the Director of Marriage and Family Life Consultants. In this unique book, he defines the languages of love.

Love Language? One may think of sweet nothings exchanged by the honeymooners. This language is far from it. He clearly differentiates “falling in love” and “genuine love” by stating that the latter requires effort and discipline, whereas the former is only a temporary emotional high and it is effortless.

In his words “No single area of marriage affects the rest of the marriage as much as meeting the emotional need for love.” Fill up your emotional love tank, he advises, and give a secure feeling to your spouse. A love language is an understanding of the spouse’s unique emotional needs.

He then reveals the five emotional love languages. They are the following:

Quality Time

Words of affirmation

Gifts

Acts of service

Physical Touch

If the couple understand each other’s love language, they can express love and get loved in return.

It is amazing how these seemingly simple ways can bring about such drastic changes in people’s attitude. For example “Words of affirmation.” That is verbal compliments, and they should not be confused with verbal flattery to get your spouse do the things you want, says Chapman. If the love language of your spouse is “words of affirmation”, be generous in imparting them.

With interesting anecdotes from his counselling experience, he shows how it is possible to build the emotional bonding in reconstructing a marriage.

His unique explaining of the “quality time” is interesting. A husband talking with his wife while watching TV is not spending quality time with her. Quality time does not mean spending the time looking into each other’s eyes. Listening sympathetically to the spouse, asking questions with genuine concern and a dialogue to understand each other’s feelings- all these make up “quality time.”

Understand whether your spouse loves gifts.

Some cannot express love by words. But their acts of service proclaim it louder than words.

Physical touch is important for some. If they are denied it, they will become emotionally insecure.

Chapman advises couples to understand each other’s expectations in reassuring love.  

In the end he gives Profile for Husbands and Profile for Wives to find out the primary love language of the spouse. These tests will eliminate any misjudgement in understanding the love language.

This book is a must read for every married couple as today’s relationships hang on thin filaments;  a mere look hurts and couples go for a divorce. This book shows only a sustained marital relationship can give true happiness.