I remember a couple years ago I picked up the Twilight books before it was a massive craze. I read through the first one within a day and the others nearly as fast. They weren’t particularly intellectual reads; in fact they were easy and simply entertaining. I liked the Twilight Saga. However, the more I thought about them the more I started to dislike the series.

Bella is an accident prone klutz that can’t accept a break-up even if it is for her own safety. Her mad love for Edward could be classified as two things: a naïve teenage phase or irresistible vampire charm. Contemplating suicide over the loss of your boyfriend is beyond the typical angsty teenage reaction. Hallucinating about him just makes it worse.

The passion put into the attraction between Bella and Edward is intoxicating and very detailed. Stephanie Meyers did a great job of dragging the reader into the scenes. Fortunately for those impressionable tween-fans she kept it PG-13 throughout. Despite this, the books are quite near obsessive. The scent of Edward, his honey-golden eyes, smooth pale skin, and copper hair… It’s burned into my brain I’ve visualized it so many times. Nearly half the saga is about Bella and Edward making out, or struggling not to make out, or dramatically saving one another and then making out. The twisty-turny plot is almost an intricate filler between Edward and Bella’s make out sessions. I’ll admit though, there are some calm and quite moments that, for the most part, exclude love making.

Then there is Jacob, the poor fellow. He’s in love with Bella but ignored and used, forever to be just a friend (God forbid.) Only one can win so Jacob’s going to live the rest of his life miserably. Oh wait, I take that back. He’s going to fall in love with Bella’s half-vampire half-human daughter through Imprinting. At least that much worked out for him.

I know that Twilight is fiction and anything can happen in fiction. In fact, I applaud creativity. But the events that happen in one ordinary girl’s life are insane. First, she is loved by a vampire and a werewolf. Then she is hunted by various vampires, either for the sake of revenge or to use her for her powers. Oh yeah, she’s the only human that Edward can’t hear the thoughts of (he can hear people’s thoughts, in case you’ve been living under a rock for the past year.) Ironic. The biggest kicker of all is that a physically dead person, a vampire, can impregnate a human. Last I checked you kind of need healthy sperm for that. Apparently dead vampire sperm works just fine as well. Wait, how does a dead person produce sperm? Speaking of which, I wonder how many parents know, or care, that their twelve-year-old daughters are reading about a vampire and human’s sex life. The book goes as far as to mention how Emmett and Rosalie destroy houses during intercourse. That was a real “lol” moment for me. I guess when you become a vampire your sexual needs sky-rocket. I wonder what the Breaking Dawn movie will be rated.

What really irritates me though is the craze around the Twilight Saga. Step aside Harry Potter; your epic adventures are getting pwned by the vampire romance novels. Twilight went from a book to a cult in under a year. Edward is like a religion and every girl wants one. You’ll find polls left and right asking “Team Edward or Team Jacob?” Even Hott Topic has dedicated a whole section to Twilight. Fans went out and bought the movie the day it released. I bet they didn’t even notice how terrible it was in comparison to the book. The movie had various boring parts, in my opinion, and lacked much depth. Most book-based movies end up that way, so it’s no real loss. Just don’t go trying to point out any shortcomings to a Twilight fan, they might ravage you.

All in all, I used to like Twilight, now it’s just a worn out name.