Excerpt From Romeo and Juliet (Translated Into Common English)

ACT 1 SCENE 1

Benvolio: Mornin’ bro

Romeo: Im afraid it’s not morning anymore Benvolio.

Benvolio: just struck nine, so im afraid it is morning

Romeo: Damn, time is slow when your sad. Was that my dad who just sped by?

Benvolio: Yeah. Why the long face bro?

Romeo: Im missing the thing that makes my days short

Benvolio: you still fallin’ for that same chick?

Romeo: I have given up on that chick

Benvolio: Given up?

Romeo: She is always in my mind, but I never cross hers.

Benvolio: Looks so easy in the movies doesn’t it?

Romeo: Maybe if I could see anything but her I would Be able to watch the movies. Anyway, where should We eat? Crap what happened here? Don’t answer, I don’t even want to know Because my love is stronger than this hate. Why is this love stopped by hate which comes from nothing in the first place? My love for Rosaline cannot exist in this hate, like a gumdrop in some acidulous cake. But that is not right. My love for her is immense but she remains stoic as ever; feeling nothing. Do you laugh?

Benvolio:  That’s heavy man, I would rather cry than laugh.

Romeo: Why?

Benvolio: Because your good heartedness is being tested too much.

Romeo: But that is love, I feel too much, my own troubles are causing my sadness, and your hate is only making it worse. The more hate that you have, the greater my sadness becomes. This love is full of sadness when it should be only a loving look in her eyes. I am confused, this love brings no happiness. It is a paradox. Goodbye Benvolio.

Benvolio: One sec, I’m coming with you, you better not ditch me. You need a bro not a ho.

Romeo: Well I am not myself right now, the real Romeo is somewhere else.

Benvolio: So who is this chick? Don’t be so sad about it, just tell me straight. I am begging you, if you’re serious about her, then you wouldn’t have to avoid telling me her name.  I mean come on, I don’t want you to have to be sad about it, just serious.

Romeo: It is too late to tell you now cuz, but I do still love a woman in all seriousness.

Benvolio: I was right when I said you were in love, and I expected as much. I don’t know why I even asked you; no matter how sad you are you aren’t going to tell me.

Romeo: Yes, and you were very right; The woman is beautifully sexy.

Benvolio: It’s not that hard to see, cuz.  I hate to break it to you, but I saw it the minute I walked up.

Romeo: If only it was easy for me to see the same feelings in her. The only thing she can see is a future without me, and everlasting virginity. No man will ever have her, she will die without love.

Benvolio:  How can you possibly know that? What, did she just tell you that she never wants to have sex?

Romeo: Actually yes, she told me quite bluntly that she does not. Her level of beauty will never be seen again if she doesn’t have children with me. She makes herself happy by torturing me, and she has promised never to love. When she made that promise a part of me died.

Benvolio:  Forget her, I’ll show you a good time.  I’ll bring that part of you back to life.

*Nudges Romeo*

Romeo: Teach me how to forget, If you can do it without getting too close.

Benvolio:  Like I said, I’ll show you a good time, I can introduce you to a few ladies who won’t be too shy.

Romeo: I will only realize how beautiful Rosaline is If I compare her to your stripper friends. I have seen beauty and now I will never be able to forget it no matter how many women I check out. Goodbye Benovlio, you cannot show me a good time.

Benvolio:  I’ll prove you wrong if it’s the last thing I do!