Steve Harvey’s Book Touches Sensitive Nerve

When I heard of Steve Harvey’s book “Act Like a Lady, Think Like a Man” and saw his first interview on the Oprah Winfrey Show, I was thrilled. I was happy to hear the advice he was giving to women about men, dating and relationships because most of it consisted of principles I have long advocated. But, I felt that the advice was much more credible when coming from a male perspective. After all, when advice about men comes from a woman, it’s easy for other women to shrug it off saying … “What does she know about what men think and want?”

I immediately wrote an article about Harvey’s appearance on the Oprah Show and what I felt was his positive advice to women. After writing the article however, I began to hear grumbles of disagreement, even anger over his book, so I began reading various reviews and articles on the subject.

I was shocked.  More than a few women … and some men seemed upset at the thought of Steve Harvey feeling he had the right to give women advice.  And, I read this comment more than once … “A divorced comedian!”

This is all difficult to understand; Harvey is only suggesting that women hold themselves in high regard and that they in turn demand that same regard from the men in their lives. He also gives women tips on how to properly evaluate certain situations from a male, rather than a female point of view. That’s a bad thing?

It is intriguing that these individuals seemed to focus on issues not truly relevant to the book, including:

Evaluating the Man Rather Than the Book

Negative responses to Act Like a Lady, Think Like a Man always seem to begin with an evaluation of Harvey’s personal, or perceived personal failings.

First, since I don’t know him personally, or have first hand knowledge of his private life, I can’t judge him. Second, even if certain accusations were true, why should it matter? To my knowledge, he’s not saying he has led a perfect life. Who has?  As a matter of fact, I believe he’s probably writing from the perspective that he hasn’t been perfect, particularly in relationships and is writing from the depth of that experience.   

But, doesn’t those imperfections make his knowledge and advice even more valuable? Who better to learn from than the individual who’s lived what he or she is preaching about?

Isn’t that why the federal government and subsequently many banks hired Frank Abagnale, Jr.,   the man the movie “Catch Me If You Can” was based on? The information he had gained as a con artist and thief had made him an expert on check fraud. That knowledge was extremely valuable. Same principal.

But, even if Harvey was always perfection itself, he still understands the male psyche better than the average woman. That should be the issue.

He’s Blaming Women Rather Than the Men Responsible

Harvey isn’t letting men off the hook, he’s simply informing women so they can recognize certain negative behaviors early in relationships and can make informed decisions. Knowledge is power.       

Additionally, it’s women, more than men who are looking for commitment, fidelity and a general improvement in how they’re treated. Men seem to have the best of all worlds right now, and I don’t hear many complaining. So, who would be more amenable to a book aimed at changing relationship dynamics … women or men?

Harvey is simply saying that if women want men to behave more responsibly they’re going to have to demand it by their own behavior.

The Book is Just a New Hustle For Harvey   

That may be true, but what better hustle than one that will help someone?  If one teenage girl decides to empower herself through Harvey’s book and not give in to peer pressure to dress in highly suggestive clothing, or to engage in sex because everyone else is doing it, or because it will make her more popular, I believe that’s a positive and not a negative.

If one woman decides that if a man won’t stick around long enough to get to know her without sex, he’s  probably  not worth knowing, then the book is a positive hustle.

Here’s the thing, if what a woman is doing in terms of men and relationships is working for her, there’s probably little reason to read the book. But, why discourage others who might find something in it that’s helpful and hopeful to them? 

And, why get upset with, or dismiss someone simply for suggesting that every woman should hold herself in high enough esteem to attract the best and deflect the worst. 

Finally, not allowing certain behaviors doesn’t mean trying to force the issue, it means moving on if what’s happening is not to your satisfaction. That’s called looking out for yourself.    

My previous articles on this subject: 

• “Bam! Steve Harvey Nails Self-Esteem on the Oprah Show”
• “Steve Harvey Gives Women the “Skinny” on Men and Relationships on the Oprah Show Part 2″