1. The main character is a girl.

2. The main character is in high school.

3. The main character MUST have a male best friend AND a female best friend.

4. Alienate the main character from her best friends by making her chase after some hot, mentally retarded idiot.

5. The best friends complain about the main character.

6. The main character finally gets the functionally retarded guy.

7. The main character ends up hating the retard.

8. The main character ends up being friends with the two friends again, but the male friend becomes her boyfriend.

9. Book ends on this rather stupid note.

10. Add on some random step fathers, royalty, or step mothers. If you wish, add a sibling, although it’s pretty much pointless.

11. Make sure to give it a “quirky” title, like “Tommy Sullivan Is Really Cool”, or “Retard Diaries”.

12. Release it to publishers, and watch the moolah roll in, as millions of retarded preteen girls all over the world buy your “quirky” “cool” book.

13. Write a sequel that has a the same plot!!

Coming soon: How to write the next “Twilight”!